I’m always in awe of someone who will make themselves vulnerable in a conversation. When people open up and touch their own soft spots to articulate their truth, it moves me.
Anthony O’Connor spoke with such rich intimacy about what it’s like to be a man and what he wants from women. I think so many women are confused about what happens in a man’s mind – I know I am. And most men would probably say the same thing about women. Communication is so tricky between men and women, not only because our brains are wired differently, but because no one can ever really know how someone else is experiencing us.
When I first met my boyfriend I felt like I was home. I felt like I had known him my whole life. A few weeks after we started getting serious I brought this up to him, sure that he felt it, too. “No,” he said. “I don’t feel that way at all. I feel like you’re totally new to me, like an alien.” It made me laugh, but it also made me realize that I had assumed he was having the same feelings as I was because it was so real to me. He was falling in love with me, too, but his experience of me was completely different than mine of him.
The quest to understand my partner and for him to understand me is an ongoing struggle for me personally. To look at my boyfriend and wonder what in the hell is he thinking, and why – for the love of all things good – can’t he understand what I am saying?! With high divorce rates, it’s no secret that men and women have trouble understanding one another.
When I reflect on my own relationship, I know what I really want is to be understood. To me, this is equal to being loved. If someone is listening to me – if they really hear me, then they must love me. But the missing piece here is that we are all experiencing the world only as ourselves, and that experience is unique to us.
Masculinity and femininity are energies that exist within all of us. When they are balanced, it’s blissful. When they’re not, it’s chaotic. Anthony and I discussed ways for women and men to embrace both their feminine and masculine energies to create harmony within our relationships.
Check out the interview with Anthony. And, as always, let me know what you think.